Bachelorette Season 9: Men Tell All

Tonight on the this very special edition of the Men Tell All we see that the men have not gotten over their “drama” and still hate each other. So we cut to “the best fans ever” and see Chris and Des totally creeping on some Bachelorette watching parties. I’m noticing a lot of guys at these parties. . .but also a ton of screaming girls especially when Des pulls out Ash and JP. Wow 26 seasons? That is a little bit crazy especially when you think of the success rate of the show, which I think is at a gigantic 3 maybe 4 couples still going strong. [That is couples that were created on the Bachelor or Bachelorette, not couples from Bachelor Pad or Bachelor/ette alum getting married to each other, like Chris and Peyton J)

Des sits down with some lovely ladies from the past: Emily, Ali, and Ashley about how to deal with the dramatic dudes of this season and they recap on those devilish dudes like Ben, Brian, and James.

Side note: one of the only reasons I like to watch the men/women tell alls is because of the bloopers! That is my all time favorite part and they never make them long enough.

Ooo yay they are showing us all the guys whose names we have long forgotten and I am seeing familiar faces and would not know their names without that helpful little writing on the screen. I think Zak K. might be a front runner for the next Bachelor. Also I am surprised that they brought back Fantasy Suite room guy. I feel like Jonathon watching himself, is feeling awkward and sorta proud of himself. They are replaying the guys drama and uncomfortable moments from start to finish. Jonathon was absolutely drunk that night and I appreciate that he apologized to everyone.

I would like to see Brandon as the next Bachelor because he is a loyal and genuine guy.

Ah now we get to Ben. Big bad Ben. He was shady, and in the beginning I liked him. For like one episode and then he turned weird. I don’t know what it was about him. And we get to watch the Michael roast again, man he really went after him hardcore. Well from the audiences’ reactions Ben does not have a huge following. Now the conversation has turned to who was a better dad on the show and Dan has some accusations that Ben’s baby mama approached him and told him all kinds of crazy things about Ben. And Zak thinks that Juan Pablo is a great dad, which gets him more cheers from his fan club.

Jimmy James (haha) joins Chris in the hot seat. And now we get ANOTHER recap. Bleck. So many recaps. If they cut out this crap they could have made this show an hour! Michael was the center of a lot of the drama, he was definitely a huge vocal presence but perhaps that was just his lawyer coming out. James is defending himself about this stupid car ride conversation again. James please go back to the Jersey shore cast. And if Mikey can introduce James to so many beautiful successful women then why did he go on the Bachelorette? Haha James would totally want to be the Bachelor but Bachelornation totally won’t have him.

Juan Pablo is a fan favorite for sure, I mean these girls made shirts and everything. I love his outfit by the way, it’s a refreshing pop of color in between all these drab gray and black suits. Des is hilarious on her Juan Pablo commentary. “Soccer players have the best butts” and he cracks up. It’s sweet to see the side of Juan Pablo on his feelings about his daughter.

Zak’s up next to tell about his “love affair” and “how it all went wrong” Way to be encouraging Christopher. I still can’t get over how blinding Zak’s teeth are. Did Des give the journal back too? Why does Chris have it L Zak looks a little uncertain when Chris asks if he can read the secret invisible ink poem. He doesn’t want his heart smashed in a million pieces all over again dude!

Out comes Desiree in another sparkly dress. She confronts some of the guys, accepts Jonathon’s apology, and Zak awkwardly sings another song he wrote in front of everyone. The bloopers were funny but like always they were too short L Then we see previews for the 2 part “most dramatic season” finale of the Bachelorette ever. That must be Chris Harrison’s favorite phrase. Until next week!

The Bachelorette Season 9 Episode 8

Hometown Dates, Yay!

First up, we have Zak and we’re in his hometown of Dallas, Texas. Zak takes Des through a park that he was “born in” but then he follows that up with being raised by squirrels and wolves. Zak decides it would be a good idea to share a crazy dream with Des and she’s looking at him like what is he talking about. So Zak’s family is in the sno cone business, and it looks like they are gonna be serving a hoard of children sno cones. Zak is proving to Des that he has what it takes to be a fatherly figure by coming out as a penguin and dancing with the kids. So they drive the Sno Cone truck back to Zak’s abode and they are greeted by a bunch of squeals and hugs.  His sister looks nothing like him, but his brother is like a mini Zak. [Side note: Zak’s sister’s room is super cute. I like her curtains and bedspread.] So is Zak’s family like the Von Trapp family singers? I would feel super awkward to just be sitting there watching people perform for you. And Des is getting so emotional. I think giving Des a ring when you tell her you love her is a little bit too much pressure. I mean sure it’s sweet but now it’s like more pressure to pick you or to feel bad about sending you home.

Drew’s date is my most anticipated date of the evening cuz he’s my fave. Drew’s family situation could get a little sticky since his parents are divorced and it will be his dad’s first time at his mom’s house. AWKWARD. Drew is super giddy and happy. Des is going to meet Drew’s sister Melissa who is severely handicapped and Des is genuinely excited to meet her, which just shows how nice of a person Des is. Des is meeting 11 people from Drew’s family. Drew’s mom is worried that he is going to get his heartbroken. Which is understandable because only one person can “win” so these other 3 guys that are left are going to be out of luck. Drew’s dad took a liking to Des and gave his blessing to Drew. [Side note: the Bachelor has a much harder time on the hometowns because they usually ask each of the 4 girls’ fathers for their hand in marriage which is a lot more intimidating than just going to hang out with the guys’ families] Drew is so sweet and bursts out his declarations of love for Des. He is “overwhelmed” by love at this point.

Chris got Des something for their date, Looks like some flowers and a wishy from a dandelion? Chris takes Des into the baseball field where he first learned to play ball. So they transform into baseball gear and hit some balls. And Des is loving it. Chris is totally shocked that she can hit a baseball. Chris’s family is pretty big and it seems like Des is meeting a ton of people on these hometowns. Okay so it is a little weird that Chris’s dad just jumps at the opportunity to adjust Des’s back? Des thinks she and Chris have compatibility which is good for their relationship. Ever guy so far seems pretty good for Des so I don’t know how she is going to make her decision. Eww what is Chris’s dad doing to his nose!! Totally saw some juicy boogers and that was real gross. Chris’s mom likes Des. A lot. Which apparently she is a real tough cookie to crack. And she gives Chris the family blessing in a totally monotone voice. And Chris loves Des more than every. Just like the other 2 guys.

Brooks seems to be totally doubting this experience and seems way less into this relationship than the other guys. He is putting a negative mood on the hometown date. Brooks is proving to Des that he is not a real boatsy guy, since he got water all up in their canoe. And at this point I kind of stopped watching their date but all I know when I came back Des was declaring her love for Brooks. Again. Ugh.

So I don't think after last season Des's brother should be allowed anywhere near these guys. He is a real jerk and I fear for the guys that actually get to meet him. I understand he's being so "protective" or whatever but he is flat out rude. And being a totally creeper in the hotel. 

The rose ceremony is pretty intense but Brooks (the booger) gets called out first, then Chris, and Drew. So Zak [Von Trapp] is sent home and is pretty emotional about it but hey I don't blame the guy.

Next week: The Men Tell All special is on. This confuses and puzzles me because they always do the MTA whenever there are 2 guys left, not 3. So this makes me think something big is coming in two weeks, on (as Chris Harrison would say) "the most dramatic season of the Bachelorette yet".

The Bachelorette Season 9 Episode 7

So here's what has happened and why I have once again become a MAJOR slacker on my Bachelorette updates. I was on vacation over the week of July 4th and had to catch up on the episode I missed and then from there I just kind of kept putting off editing my posts and never posted them.

If you need a recap of Episode 6, in one word it was drama! James, Juan Pablo, and Kasey were evicted bringing Des’s group of guys down to a whopping 5. Seriously where has this season gone? I cannot believe we are already at the week before hometowns. Also I just found out today that we are not getting Bachelor Pad this summer. I am highly upset by this news. What am I supposed to do without the third installment of the Bachelor franchise!!??!!

Welcome to Madeira! The remaining dudes and their lady are off to this magical little island. No roses on the dates this week except for the two on one and thankfully no one has to worry about going home on that date. ABC brings in some familiar faces and some much needed girl talk for Des as she receives the advice of her former Bachelor costars. It is a little weird that Catherine is there and that she brings up how Sean is hoping for the best for Des. Umm did she forget that they dated the same person? I loved what Catherine said about the binoculars, “I don’t know how to work these cuz I’m not a creeper.”

Oh Brooks, you get another one on one. Please be more exciting than last time. Why is Des wearing big clunky wedges when walking on the edge of the world? I would be in flats for fear of falling off and dying. This cloud drive is pretty sweet, it would probably freak me out though to actually do it because I wouldn’t know where the cliff starts and stops. Des and Brooks’ connection surprises me and I could definitely see him in the final two. He isn’t my favorite by far but I can’t say how Des is feeling. She is clearly feeling a connection. I can tell that Brooks is very genuine and he is very passionate about his family. He decides that he cannot be sure if he is running towards the finish line of love with Des if he does not introduce her to his family so he decides that he would want Des to meet his family should she decide to pick him (which I’m sure she will).

Chris is quickly becoming one of my favorites (He’s not quite Drew but I’m worried about Drew after last week’s shady preview) He very badly wants to take Des home to meet his family. The boat they are going on is awesome, I might consider going on one like that (if I knew anyone who had one). Chris is really milking his whole poetry side. I mean it’s a cute idea but come on. So at dinner will we find out if Des is also “running” towards Chris? He definitely seems super nervous and he’s gonna be the first one to break the I love you ice. At least he waited until the final 5 and not on like the third episode like Brandon did.

I don’t think that Michael has a shot of making it past this week. His relationship is way behind the other guys and he is just an easy elimination. When Des and Michael are being pushed in the little wicker basket I wanna know how the guys pushing don’t wipe out and eat concrete. Michael is really feeling it with Des and its all a bunch of feelings because Des is just amazing. Michael would definitely protect Des with his fast talking, arguing lawyer ways. But like I said he's so far behind, I doubt he's got a shot.

Drew and Zak! Two cuties with booties (? It rhymed, Chris’s poetry rubbed off on me) Race car driving!. . .well I suppose they aren’t exactly race cars, but these boys are bringing the competion. Especially because there is a rose on this date. Drew looks very sad and depressed about losing the race. Zak has come a long way for me because that first night when he arrived shirtless I thought he was going to be a player but he turned out to be a good guy. His artwork is great. Definitely better than his portrait of Des on last week’s episode. (If you want a good laugh please find that picture) Drew is so sweet and cute and is my favorite. I think that Des is falling for him. Drew had no reservations about telling Des he loved her and it might have been that extra umph to get him the rose. And he got it J He’s a top four finalist!! 

There is no cocktail party tonight, just the usual pre-rose ceremony dramatic recap with Chris Harrison. Des walks in to chose the four guys who she would like to meet their families. It's a very intense moment. Drew is already safe, followed by Brooks, Chris and Zak. Michael gets the boot and calls him mom crying in the limo. 

Next week hometowns!